Not sure..

The sun shines down on this sturdy planet,
The clouds swiftly drift along,
And I stand here, facing my demons alone.

My body is weak,
My mind is tired of fighting,
And yet I am still here today.

There must be something out there keeping me alive,
Keeping me from destroying the ugly,
This life is hard.

Anyone out there?

Kayla.

Her.

It started with fallen tears, confusion and deep emotion. My thoughts were spiraling out of control, with false hopes and lost desires. All my aspirations were shattered at that very moment. My future was questioned; my presence left missing. I wasn’t myself. Who is this woman? That… woman, she carries an unpleasantness to her. She’s not me—a mere reflection of my body, but not me.

Kayla.

The Mind..

The Mind - an empty canvas filled with the abstract of your inner thoughts.

Anyone out there?

Kayla.

Never fail to use - eager to set free - the Mind.

The mind is the hardest place to ignore. You are constantly reminded everyday—and every minute—of your thoughts. Some would say your mind is like a prison. We are all prison to our mind. It has a way of taking you in, and ultimately keeping you hostage. Somehow, someway, it teases you; and somehow, someway, it lures you in. Your train of thought at the time is lost—for that mere second, and there you are: left alone, trapped in your mind. You can’t leave; you can only suffer. There’s no more room for disagreement. The mind carries countless thoughts, and stores them there—keeps them fresh—for when you return. You’re left feeling angered—destroyed, and depressed. Is there a way of fighting your thoughts? Is there a way out of this prison? It’s an awful place to be. It drains your soul, and weakens your actions. And even when you try to fight it, there’s nowhere to go. The mind—it corners you in—leaves you broken.

This mind of mine needs to stop interrupting my life-when things are going good, it finds a way out, and lures me back in-back into my thoughts. This: this is my prison. I'm prison to my own thoughts. No walls-no barriers, just me and this empty mind.

Who Am I?

I try so hard to be somebody else, someone who is entirely different. The blood within me rushes through this fragile body without linger, leaving me with no choice, no true reason. If only I could linger.

My ligaments are left unbound. Their binding structure lost connection.

Who am I.

Anyone out there?

Kayla.

Lost

This untouched side of the bed comforts my body in a time of harsh loneliness. My legs, lengthened forward, my hands, lay rested on this well-known, un-forgetful keyboard. The keys, used most frequently, the mouse, left forgotten, never once handled with such powerful manner. This back of mine falls rested upon the hardened wall, while my face is drawn so easily to this screen, this bright, powerful yet inviting screen.

I'm left still, lost for words, and saddened with myself. Why do I bring myself down so easily? Why do I put myself through this constantly, as if to say, I feel satisfied? Because, if that's the case... I'm definitely not satisfied..

Anyone out there?

Kayla.

I'm no writer, I'm simply just as anyone else, trying to get my thoughts out on paper. Sometimes it works, sometimes not.

I miss my family.

Anyone out there??

Kayla.

The Journey

Alone with company by your side,
I find myself looking through the glass,
Looking for something lost in time,
Or merely seeking a glimpse in the future.

I see beautiful colours,
The broken blue sky covers the land,
Mustard seeds spread the foundation,
With valley greens and country air.

My words swallowed dry,
My hopes scattered low,
I love you sadly,
I hope you know.

Fallen tears left secret,
Emotions weakened,
Careless words spoken,
My heart left softened.

Sometimes...

Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one.
Sometimes I experience sadness without pain.
Sometimes I cry without reason.
Sometimes I surrender without a fight.
Sometimes I fight to surrender.
Sometimes I regret the things I say.
Sometimes I lie to hide the truth.

Sometimes I'm happy without reason.
Sometimes I'm thankful without words.
Sometimes I'm proud with power.
Sometimes I'm thankful beyond words.
Sometimes I'm generous beyond belief.

Sometimes I wonder..

Written blog:

Well, it's 10: 43 PM right now, and I'm sitting her tangled in my thoughts. There's so much to think about, I think I might go crazy. No, seriously! But, this is normal for me.

You left us without saying goodbye,
No salut, Adios, farewell dear friends,
And away you went, up, up, away you went.

A year soon passes, and we morn a loss of a loved one,
This feeling, so familiar, so real,
Time may pass, but your face stays the same.

Miss you Wayne <3 ..

I'm here everyday, healing the wounds in my life,
It's hard to hear the whispers that surround me,
I try to listen, but the hope is lost,
Lost in this uncertainty that follows closely,
So close behind it almost feels too distant.

I try so hard to be somebody else,
I lost my identity along the way,
Falling, falling, I stumble over my regrets,
Drifting away, the whole to my unsolved puzzle is slowly forgotten,
The light is near, but my strength feels lost.

I'm tempted to taste the poison of your lips,
To linger in your presence, awaiting for the perfect moment,
My chance to take your hands in mine,
And forever hold you, clashing finger tips.

Awaiting for the perfect words,
I need to express myself more clear,
The world surrounding me feels neglected,
Near, far, beautiful words, where are the birds..

Always

You have been my safeguard agains't the open world,
You've lead me through obstacles I could never face alone,
Always shared the warmth of your hands when I grew cold,
Never thought less of anything, for this was always known.

I love you,

Forever, always.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Music opens the soul,
Finds a way within,
And burrows a hole.

Deeper, and deeper, into your heart,
Creating a melody, so sweet, so pure,
Never to rupture, never to part.

I Wonder.

I sit here usually,
More often then I dream,
And I wonder.

My curiosity overpowers me,
My thoughts carry me a long a path I never thought I'd take,
And I wonder.

A worn down, beaten path,
Will guide me through this life,
And I wonder.

I always wonder.

..

In Search Of

There's always a fear of knowing,
That sense of truth that swallows you dry,
Throwing away the only sanity you have left,
And replacing it with instability.

The fear of the unknown,
The only sense of closure,
Never predictable, though not afraid,
Keeps you occupied with life and the forgotten.

..

Nothing to say,
Nothing to rhyme,
Out of ideas,
Thoughts tangled dry.

Untitled

Young and impressionable,
You once were,
Fearless yet afraid,
Though always pure.

Breaking rules,
But keeping structure,
Unpredictable,
No race on culture.

Raised as a princess,
Forever spoiled,
Peace and love,
Forever loyal.

Don't Lose Hope

Left for secret,
No truth, no sorrow,
The cuts, bled freely,
The lies, still follow.

Deeper, and deeper,
There's no turning back,
Ready to run,
Nothing to pack.

A pocket of sanity,
Going shamelessly nowhere,
All but a cigarette,
Though nobody cares.

Trying, failing,
Wishing to succeed,
Wanting to be somebody,
Dreaming to lead.

Late at night,
Cold to the bone,
Hoping and praying,
For a place to call home.

Drenched in rain,
Standing there,
A shadowed figure,
Don't despair.

There's room for hope,
Approaching close,
Never give up,
Different than most.

They welcomed you in,
Forever with love,
Your prayers, now answered,
Up from above.

Alone

Every one is entirely unaware.
No one understands the pain.
Her screams awaken the night, as a dogs loud rusty bark.
Crying,
Screaming,
But there is no one to hear her,
She is neglected, invisible.

Trying to embrace what she feels is undignified.
Why cant they understand the sorrow,
How her heart bleeds and cry’s for help.

No one will take notice.
She wants to avoid the prudence,
Being laughed at,
Made fun of, invisible,
But its unfortunate of those who lack civility.

Her indignity of self pride.
She questions her purpose,
Claiming she is worthless to ones belief.

Alone at night,
Her body resurfaces from beneath the water,
Diligently,
Quietly,
Softly, invisible.

Reaching for the structure of a hand rail,
She withdrawals herself to the floor,
Bedewed.

She gazes at her reflection.
The mirror signifies her existence.
She is no longer invisible.

She is capable of change.
As a newly blossomed orchid,
Evolving into a beautiful flower.

Embody yourself,
Expand your horizon of possible limits,
And you will embrace yourself.

Just something I wrote in grade 10. I was pretty proud of it at the time, and it was published in a book for young poets. Now, looking back on it, there's lots of room for improvement, but pretty cool to have been published back then! <3

Untitled

You swept it away,
On purpose, without permission,
Left unnoticed, no sign of loss,
A piece of my heart.

That day,
Before I knew you,
I loved you.

That strong connection we once shared,
Now feels lost within the walls we've built.

Those walls separate our being,
They keep hidden our hearts,
Our feelings we can't deny.

You've held on tight,
You've proved your strength,
But I can't take the pain, the hurt,
Haven't I told you,
Easily fragile.

I want to ..

I want to loose myself within your words,
I need your uplifting spirit,
Whoever you may be,
To guide me through this life.

I want to feel your tender embrace,
The warmth of your body, your hands, your face.

I need your arms,
Wrapped tightly around,
Your promise to never let go.

Whoever you are, wherever you may be,
I'm waiting for you to find my soul,
To find me.

Steady your pace,
No rush, I'm in no hurry,
As long as you promise never to leave.